cleaning out my emails

and i came across this piece that i wrote for a poetry class. it stinks now that i think about it, but i actually loved the class and the exercises we had to do. lol

Another day in October
Spent staring at the sky
Rearraging the stars
Caught in the night sky

The sun sets over the city
Buildings fade away in the trees
The expectations for the night
Built with tension then ease

Relaxing with the street lights
Standing on the corner night
Romanced by the cab lights
Oh what a city night.
-.09.07-

.oh how i've grown with this writing thing

Emotional Rollercoaster

Last night I cried tossed and turned, woke up with dry eyes.
My mind was racing, feet were pacing.
Lord help me please tell me what have I gotten into.
Ran my 3 miles to clear my mind, it always me out,
it's my therapy when I'm losing it which is usually.

I'm on a emotional rollercoaster.
Loving you aint nothing healthy.
Loving you was never good for me.
But I can't get off.

Yesterday I told myself I was gonna be okay.
Gonna start a new day be truly happy.
I was gonna take control of me.
But eventually reality hit me.
Mentally, physicaly, emotionally.
And I opened my eyes and realized
that I was still being taken for a constant ride

So tired of you making love to me, then disappearing so suddenly.
Up and down it goes.
And I'm so tired of you pacifying me
with promises you know that you'll never keep.
Round and round it goes.
-v.green


This song is the perfect example of what happened to me last night.
can't really speak on it, rather not either. && i never thought that this would happen to me.

Nights of Insomnia

...So I have a few problems, 1. being that I have insomnia, which causes me to be up at the most random hours of the night, for no reason. & 5 am rolls around on the clock, and due to some previous fighting with (some LAME ass, as Sos' would call him) I've just been in the worst moods and the deepest funks ever. Im bbm'n a friend, and texting the other (how ironic that 2 of my homies are up at the same time as me) and we start talking, and my hands just start typing...

5am
Holds secrets I often try and forget
Realizing that these dreams I can't escape
Reality is all around
no matter how hard I try and change
Deep in my heart
my pillows hold my shame
shady secret filled weekend
empty promises filled with lies
excuses covered in smiles
the only thing consistent in my life
is my inconsistency to love
my bed reminds me
of the trouble I caused
the laughs that I have ruined
the memories that were once sweet
now turned sour
hoping to be forgotten
I catalog my mistakes
and breeze through them
as I Iay awake
starring off into oblivion
I promise to change
while i devise a plan
to always remain the same
to cover my tracks better
and live without shame
5 am holds these secrets
and my heart, with no shame
-vintaget

music talks to me

I'm heavily into music and everything that it represents, but most of all I really believe that music talks to me. It might sound crazy, but hear me out. Have you ever come across a song, or an album where you just find yourself vibin' too, bumpin, feelin it in your veins lyrics, just shit that you can relate to...*insert memorable album here* I have, and as crazy as it sounds, music is still apart of me.

So, Im on the train, and I Wonder comes on by Kanye West on my ipod, and I play this song 3 times in a row. Now I know the lyrics by heart, but for some reason, each verse took on a new meaning. I broke it down...


Find your dreams come true
And I wonder if you know
What it means, what it means
And I wonder if you know
What it means, what it means
And I wonder if you know
What it means to find your dreams

"I know what my dreams are, and honestly I know each will come soon eventually. 1. I want to teach, I hope to have my own daycare center, continue to travel the world (I have 3 continents left to see), write my own books, and have a publishing company, because trying to get published now is a b!tcH!


I've been waiting on this my whole life
these dreams be waking me up at night

since I intern for two different places and I have a part time job,(lets not mention what I do while I'm in school) but I finally realize that all of my hard work will eventually pay off.

you say I think I'm never wrong
you know what, maybe you're right, ight

im really never wrong when it comes to certain things, and eventually I get my way...


You say he get on your fucking nerves
you hope that he get what he deserves, word
do you even remember what the issue is
you just trying to find where the tissue is
you can still be who you wish you is
it ain't happen yet
and that's what the intuition is
when you hop back in the car
drive back to the crib
Run back to their arms
the smokescreens
the chokes and the screams
you ever wonder what it all really mean

Dudes that I come across just drive me insane. I mean, where is the courting the dates, the phone calls, the text messages? Now everything is based on, when you coming thru, whats good for the night? some lame shit, everyone too good to settle down all of a sudden?
Sometimes I wish I was the old me, stand my grounds, tell my opinion, even when its not needed but when I get around certain people, I just keep hush an stay to myself, no good.


and I'm back on my grind
a psychic read my lifeline
told me in my lifetime
my name would help light up the Chicago skyline
and that's what I'm
seven o'clock, that's primetime
heaven'll watch, God calling from the hotlines
why he keep giving me hot lines

So my friends are the "psychics, and they believe that I will be a writer, teacher, everything that I want to be, my hot lines, my books will eventually get published, lord willing"

i'm a star, how could I not shine
how many ladies in the house
how many ladies in the house without a spouse
something in your blouse got me feeling so aroused
what you about
on that independent shit
trade it all for a husband and some kids
you ever wonder what it all really mean
you ever wonder if you'll find your dreams

Im good I cant do the husband and kids right now, since there is so much that I want to do with life, before I bring a mini me into this world....

This Loft In Soho

Had me as soon as I walked into it. For my internship I get to go on photo shoots all over manhattan, brooklyn, queens pretty much wherever we find a location. So anyway we get to this loft, and its breathtakingly beautiful. I met great people, a great supermodel/actress, (not allowed to say who lol) and her entire team, + the people from my team at the magazine. While she was in hair and make-up someone gave me great advice + wished me lots of luck on my voyage after college. Here's a picture of the loft, its pretty bad but hey I had to sneak it lol.










Here's a little thing that I did....

This loft in soho
It represented everything that I am
Open
Free spirited
And like the window
I can see myself
Branching from different streets
Different venues
Taking cab rides to enjoy life
Not to a destination
Driven by dreams
But to a place where
I never imagined
If it only feels right if there aren't any guidelines
Emptied loft
A magnificent blank palette
Leaving room to rearrange
Subtract dusty curtains
Add new furniture
This loft speaks to me
Where I want to be
Eventually.
My passion in life
Is to follow where ever my heart
Skills and mind take me
-Vintaget

feeling a tad bit guilty

& i told him, don't worry, my lies wont hurt you =x


kanye always puts me in this mood. Im not sure what it is exactly, but I always get inspired by his beats, his lyrics (on 808's & heartbreaks) usually gets me.. to think of past relationships that I miss, and those people that I loved...oh well. times have changed. Paranoid & Street Lights are my favorite jams..

Some History

So, I've been using the name Vintage T; once vinTage or whatever but my name came across because one of my fellas from way back told me he missed the old me, the old T that came around and chilled at house parties, chilled outside til 5am, the one who always had time for friends.. and I must say I missed that old T too. In one summer it was like I grew up, literally, changed my hair my friends, and changed my direction in life. So with my passion for vintage things and old school vinyl, it just hit me that i wanted to be VintageT. So after every poem, or thought I usually sign off using that. lol. pretty corny but hey, its me, vintage t, the old tasha, just the way I like it. unpolished, unforgiving, and unapologetic.


--VintageT

Just Vibin'

..my hands do the typing really..


My Fault
I use to think love was a cruel thing
Like tripping a boy just because you liked him
An didn't have the balls to tell him that
..he was what inspired your drawings
In the middle of learning why tape worms are different from ink worms..
(I still don't know)...
Love was a game of double dutch
Always had the perfect timing
But when I jumped in, I tripped
Stumbled an ruined the "type writer"
I couldn't grasp the idea of love
We all thought it was like shoots an ladders
You say something wrong, back to square one
We continued to play games
Not caring who we hurt
Not caring who really fell for the charm
We abused the word I love you
And ruined the perfect image of what
Love really is
We laughed at those who fell in love
Couples made us sick
Even though we desperately desired to be in one
But we never took love serious(ly)
Like those test in gym class
An ace is what again?
When we need love
Love laughs at us
Making us look like fools
Blaming us for why people hate love
An when we need love most
It hides from us
...Laughing at us still
The only ones
Solo
While those who cherished loved
Found love
An those who laughed at love
Had love laugh in their face
-Vintage 1.13.09

His Sweet Escape

The demands of the world brings him to my doorstep
Panting
Wishing
Needing something more than a "pep-talk"
The orders from life drive him to my arms
Forgetting the other loyalties at home
Secretly desiring that I would take him back to that familiar spot
Where our laughs can't be heard
Our inside jokes remain intimate
Held between the sheets covered in passion
Our zest for life
Chasing dreams while we chase our happiness
Following the nights stars
Guiding us to be one
To be the solidarity in each others lives.
The time spent in each others presence proves to be the defining point in our
Lives
We may not admit it but love lives where we hide the ice cream.
In the bottom of our cold hearts
Forced to make lies of why we can't be together.
Past events pull us apart
But when life gets to tough and he can't make it
His sweet escape brings him to reconsider
When nights draw unfaithful memories to his lobes
Pounding his regression bringing the lies to the fore front;
He holds me tighter
Demanding me to bring him back
To his place of happiness;
To his place of seclusion
The combination to his heart
Can not be hacked
His secrets laid adjacent to mine
In the same place
Revived over glasses of wine
Movies to titles we can't recall
His sweet escape turns off the demands of the world
He's stuck not wanting to eat his words
We parted ways for a reason
But knows that in due time I can no longer be his escape. His love dies with me,
Mine in his hands
To forever be mishandled
Since he's the only one that can ever be trusted with
My emotions in its purest form
-vintaget



*while i was laying in bed...i came up with this, and on the train ride this morning, it turned into something completely different. hope you enjoy it*