meaningful things

i have 7 tats. all for different reasons, nothing that is corny, cheesy, or "just cuz". Each has a story behind it. but the newest to my collection is this one.. the one on my wrist. ..its a quote from my homie Ant, aka Gutta Balls (cuz he really bowls gutters all day every day lol) but i added my own twist to what it means. Nothing in life is certain. No amount of planning praying or believing in hope, fate or destiny is going to make anything certain. Each new day brings on uncertainties, but you only know for certain that a lesson may be learned. might sound contradicting in the end but you catch my drift.

My school has put me through the rigor. Trust me, nothing can help save me from my senior year. Although my school is like others, somethings could never be fixed, even with an apology.

in its beginning stages

..so when im angry or upset or whatever, i usually find a way to vent. somewhat constructive rather than my usual lashing out at people. (smh i use to do that when i was in highschool, talk about temper tantrums lol) but i figured to put the energy into something that i really care about. so in my 3 hour intermediate painting class, (which i got bumped up to advanced lol thanks to my teacher) i decided to title this "frustration" its still in its beginning stages& the bottom is cut off, but in the end it will come out amazing. it basically represents my frustration with my college and life and love life (lack there of) and out of every situation where i would like to scream, i birth something else. either poetry, or a painting or a story.

Dream

This Dream album has been on constant repeat since i got it! my ipod hasn't played anything else, well except for some j.holiday 2nd round. but honestly i know there's a lot of ryan leslie fans, but his shit is not touching dream and j.holiday! trust me! and im tryna figure out a new wrist tat, i want a quote from a writer or a something. i just can't wait to figure out what it will be. new pics coming soon

lurking in the halls

last night was unexplainable. but i think things fall into place at the perfect time. i'll post some pics when i get them, but i just know that i was gone from them damn swamp waters at brother jimmys, meet some cool people. my friend met me down there brought me 2 slices of pizza a bottle of water and paid $31 for a cab from downtown to bx lol unbelievable woke up and realized that my life is amazing hahaha hoped back on a train then the shuttle bus to my crib. tonight im off so i guess i can catch up on some homework

Good deeds

we all know the current economy sucks balls, loosing jobs left and right. so what you have you must hold on to right? WRONG! I came home for spring break, and decided to CLEAN out my closet. finally did so and took all my unworn shirts, jackets and jeans to buffalo exchange...which is a vintage store depending on who you ask. you can sell clothes back, and find amazing things in return. i sold back/exchanged a few things for this brooklyn industries baggie that is growing on me to like . but for the things that they didn't take, i took to a local thrift store and donated it. it really doesn't matter how much i paid for it, or what exactly i donated but it felt grate. I'm still on my mission to continue to help the homeless. slowly but surely im doing it!!!

for that brief moment my mind wanders,
believing that someone is there
listening to my thoughts
trying to understand where i'm coming from
but then again, im lost
in my own sea of emotions
unsure where i started
hesitant to cross the finish line
its me
alone
my thoughts keep me company
it sounds like insanity
it feels like emptiness
even in a crowded room
my thoughts dance in my head
laughing
wishing
that i was a +1
(couple)
but then again, i realize
that me alone
is better than some people
with 2.


idk i just made this shit up not even sure where that came from.

frustration; rambles

this week is spring break, smh break. i haven't really enjoyed my spring break, and I don't think i will, seeing that this is the last weekend before i go back to school. damn i didnt get to chill with my sos', didn't go on the 3 dates i've been reign-checking lol and i'm slowly driving myself insane. I ruined 2 rolls of film *68* pictures to be exact that i was supposed to develop on my own, but some dick head labeled the chemicals wrong so i lost all of my images. oh yeah those 2 rolls were due for my midterm, now i must start alll over again. yearbook, my first deadline in the 23rd. im short 8 pages, let alone the pages i had to eliminate due to the lack of pics, but fuck it, it is what it is. my school dicked me over, so im not going to graduation. the apartments by my house sold, so that means NO PARKING on my block...double take smh. i cant sleep, and i think im insane. lol. oh well. i'll post some pics and some poems i wrote on the train

& i wonder

a long time ago, not more that 8 years ago, i decided to stop dancing for good. dancing was my all, i ate, breathed, slept, and dreamed about dancing. before i decided to become an english major dancing for alvin alley was my top goal in life. but since the directors at my company decided to steal money, and lie, i just called it quits. but recently i've been tempted to start dancing again, but ech i'll just leave it as a "i wonder if". in life you always need those, to help keep you sane trust me

oh well

Friday, I guess I can admit that i did some "dickhead" shit, but at the same time it doesn't really bother me. i was supposed to go clubbing, and to make a long story short, i didn't. i had every intention of clubbing, but i just wasn't feeling the vibes from the people i was going with. call it spiteful but my home girl threw me to the side when she and her bf moved in together. always standing me up, forgetting plans to cater to his needs, so when i had the perfect opportunity to get her back..i did, i stood her up and came home, well to my dorm room. lol. shady? oh well.


Saturday i caught the mean stomach virus, vomit everywhere, not cute at all. but most of all i just stayed in bed and went on a hike pictures will be up soon.

just worked a 10 hour shift and im still feeling sick, gotta unpack my laundry...

&& sometimes you just break...

today, I finally had a meltdown. I knew it was coming in one way or another, but what I didn't know is that it would've happened the way it did. My school did some dickhead shit to me, which causes me to re-question graduation on May 15th. (even if shit pans out, I honestly don't see myself walking since I'm highly disgusted with the shit they recently put me through).

So outside of the normal yearbook, which has been stressing me out to the point where I not sure if I'm coming or going, to my internship, which I find myself calling out once a week, to my job, which is the only thing that is keeping me sane for the most part, I finally let my emotions on the inside, boil over to the emotions on the outside.

I feel like I'm playing catch up for all of my classes. (4 three hour classes and 1 chem retake class) and more than ever I feel like im losing a grip on more than reality.

My mom believes that since I haven't been going to the gym (lol) lately, that I haven't been able to think clearly and figure out my game plan. Who knows, maybe tonight I'll get some miles in....

..the shit that seniors in college go through is like a single mother with 4 kids with 2 jobs goes through. I know to you it might not be a real comparison, but with all of these classes, from photography (still haven't developed my films), yearbook (my team casually forgetting meetings and deadlines) to my internship (the commute alone is time consuming) to my 9-5 on the weekends (who has time to party) to paying bills on time (smh i don't know how i do it, but it gets done) and countless other things i rather not mention is like having kids for me...

&& relationships? that's another blog for a different day...

in two weeks i'll be vanishing off to my moms crib, so deep in jersey i have to mapquest it lol. im not charging my phone, and im not bringing my apple. so im not connecting to anything outside my moms crib...thats going to be my vacation.

Hope everyone reading this works through their situations as well. and enjoys the winter in march (lol)

xoxo
Vintage